Completely shattered....

This song rang up to my ears...

Last Christmas I gave you my heart.... the very next day you gave it away...
This year to save me from tears.. I gave it to someone special..

Think... I will have to add on more lines

This year the same thing happens.... My heart is completely shattered...

Can't believe i'm crying now... its happening again.... i think i surely dunno why should i be so upset...

Last year I'd lost my bf... I moved on.....
This guy ...another guy.... all the long in my life for 1 1/2 years.... he have been talkin to me... company mi... i do feel touched... but not putting in any feelings for him... I feel bad... but i had to... coz i dun wanna hurt myself....

well.. frankly.... he isn't the kind of tea i go for...
But ... he is a gentle guy... always listens to me... he tired to be patient to mi... (haha... i do hav missy temper) .. overall... i do feel comfortable... not like any other guys gave mi...

I gave in ba.. started to like every moment every word.. storys goes on again... haha...
one day he suddenly say he wans to remain friends....

I had no choice... i have to draw back.. i dun wanna be seen as i'm a slut that i need to hold on ... and beg... I have been left with no choice.... he didn't gave mi options... or even hear what i gotta say...

I wanna say its too late.... why now then say... when i am totally in love ... and now i can't... jus can't stop liao...

worse is i dunno how to hate him...

i notice his msn msg... i know... he found another ger....
"my love for you for a day bla bla bla"
today's msg is "still love you"

i know... those aren't meant for mi... but these words are driving mi insane...

This christmas is terrible.... i dun have any wonderful gift.... jus more and more hurting....
how much hurt can i take.... before i can really gif up on him.... i really dunno....

Merry christmas 2007....

What a BITC....HHHhhhhh.....

Last fri was my company event....

So had gift exchange.... games.... then buffet....
everything seems fine.... everyone had fun....
Coming to an end time, ppl busy packing up the food... coz got lotsa left over... mi offered to help the ppl in packin (As well as pack my salmon !!)

One male colleague wanna pack the olive rice, jus then another male colleague came over in a bitchy voice say" Aiya, dun pack the rice, see so oily.... see the oil.... dun pack dun pack..."

mi jus loon let it be liao....

another female colleague came and pack the olive rice.... then he goes again..... he stood there continue to choose his chicken like an aunt(take take throw back pick pick throw back), so my colleague quite unsure if she can pack the rice anot...well this time is i know this colleague, mi jus cannot ren liao... coz i dunno how many ppl he is going to stop....

Mi jus shot lo..... "y stop ppl from taking wat they wan ... they wan then let them pack lo..... see the chicken u pack... also oily ma....see the oil" he walk away to another tray... mi jus pat on his hand say "dun be so serious... " he jus twitch his head abit then use side eyes glare at my hand... mi jus draw back and continue to pack the food.

later on i go find my colleagues to take pic.... he is in the room... when i enter i say him like...
Imagine ar...
he used his hands to balance his chin, tilt his head high high.... eyes see the wall not looking at computer screen.. like making a sound 'HURPPP!!"
like abit "thousand pound missy" ... frankly.... i really wanna luff... no i mean or bad... but well... i neber seen a man behaving like a woman...

Abit feel bad... that i provoke him... wanna apologise... but checking on my fairness balance... cannot leh.... buay balance leh... how cum apologise... seriously reflecting on that day wat i say...

Well.... oki.... some point checks...

1) define Olive ....... ?
Is a better kind of product for oil..... healthier choice compare to the peanut oil, lard etc..... (go search the website la..... liew...) the rice is using olive ma....ya la its oily... but the oil is in the bottom... can take the top part rite.... he can jus say "take the top... the bottom is oily" rather then stopping ppl.... like that ppl will feel that he is a considerate person ar.....

2) Buffet u pay de.....?
You pay de ma.... if u pay... pack all the food home.....

3) Your colleagues, frien, family......
Are they working under you, your lover, you lao bei lao bu? that they must listen to you....

4) You can say ppl but cannot stand ppl say you....
Dun need explain more ba.... Muz have Du liang(inner str) one ....

5) wat is wif the glare
Lol.... mi xiao mei mei leh.... being direct is wat I am... pls.... one kind of rice 100 types of ppl... jus so happen that i'm a direct person... u are a petty bossy fella.... mi accept the fact that i am direct... str forward.... jus say wat i feel...i'm a simple minded idiot..... wat abt u...

Dont say liao wor.... mi wanna forget this thing.... go grab ice cream eat... hahaha

Feelings

I'm..... missing him... like crazy.... sure am....
always on my mind... thinking why....
I'm already done with crying.... but why is there still sadness lingering ..
really dunno why.... he isn't the kind of guy i look for... jus... got this hitch which i can't ditch...
i tot the feelings aren't for real... time will pass..... the feelings wont last.... but its been cuming 2mths liao... why am i still missing him....
my brain should stop... doing silly stuff.... driven mad.... becuming crazy....
hates it ba... i guess.... i really wanna cut myself alway from him liao.... think i should .... else... i really dunno liao.... arrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh